• please note, despite the professional-looking dateline, this article is a column.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP)—The federal government, while the angst of many Americans for various and sundry reasons, may finally be able to get something productive accomplished. Next week, on Capitol Hill, heroes of the common man, such as Utah senator Orrin Hatch and Texas senator Joe Barton will preside over hearings concerning whether the BCS is an illegal cartel that violates anti-trust laws of the United States. This is the second hearing on the matter with the first taking place this past May. In the first hearing, Alamo Bowl executive director, Derrick Fox, looked like a complete horse’s posterior (this is a family site and I’m LDS, so I chose lesser terms to articulate my point) when he said the BCS could not be discontinued because “bowls donate half of their earnings to charity.” If you thought something was fishy about this, be assured you weren’t the only one. In fact, surely enough, two illustrious reporters from yahoo.com, Dan Wetzel and Josh Peter, who are modern-day Martin Luthers in my opinion, published an article which confirmed Fox was full of more trash than Oscar the Grouch’s can on Sesame Street. In other words, only about 1/20th of funds from these bowls go toward charities. I’m no mathematician, but I know that’s a bold faced lie. If Fox were Peter Cottontail, his left ear would droop to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Furthermore, because Fox had a brain cramp at the worst possible time, on Capitol Hill, he is guilty of perjury because in Barton’s words perjury occurs if a lie is confirmed in testimony. My uncle, the distinguished Hayven W. Dunn, currently of Annabella, said no one ever gets away with perjury. Perhaps alleged Mormon E. Gordon Gee (a nerdy guy that looks like Orville Redenbacher before he hit puberty ERRR excuse me the president of THE Ohio State University) who has long loved the BCS more than his God (ye shall know them by their fruits, Christ said) should look at the tragedy of Roger Clemens. Clemens once ruled Major League Baseball with an iron fist and even had more adulation than Brett Favre (well, perhaps that’s a stretch, just a tiny one…). That is until he was found guilty of perjury on Capitol Hill. Before the weather got good enough to enjoy, I scoured message boards on the BCS and many arrogant fools believe the BCS is untouchable. If I may remind these people who seek to suppress freedom from all college football teams who prove themselves worthy of some vital facts, here’s one to munch on. The proud citizens of Rome thought they would never fall. Of course, thanks to wise historians such as Flavius Josephus, we know Nero fiddled while Rome burned. For those of us Latter-Day Saints (or Moslems, Jews) who study the scriptures there is a pattern that greed or pride always come before the fall. I, myself, liken the BCS power brokers to the Gadianton robbers who were successful with their deceit and corruptible combinations until their greed overruled their common sense. Obviously, this has happened here. This is perfect timing as two of the strongest nations in the world, Canada and the United States, celebrate their national holidays within the course of the next few days. Now, in addition to the freedoms we already enjoy, I am confident that we will also be liberated from the most oppressive of prisons, Division I football as it is currently constituted.

(DAVIS COUNTY)—Drivers in Davis County are being put on notice that the Utah Highway Patrol and at least 10 other police agencies are taking advantage of a federal grant to enforce speed limits from neighborhoods to major roadways. UHP Colonel Daniel Fuhr says the grant will fund up to 45 overtime shifts every month through September. On the Legacy Highway in Woods Cross, officer Adam Osoro arrested a driver for going 139 miles an hour in a 55 m.p.h. zone. Centerville Police Chief Neal Worsley said he plans to have officers in neighborhoods in the city regularly while he said he often gets complaints from people who despise speed enforcement. If successful, the highway patrol may continue its blitz.

(SANDY)—The Utah Department of Transportation is expanding to 700 East from 114th South-Carnation Drive and the change includes bike lanes, larger sidewalks, turn lanes and more. To accomplish this, UDOT will take sections out of people’s backyards along the path. UDOT spokesperson Aaron Carrillo says the company will pay fair market value for the land and will pay for land leased and for landscape restoration. UDOT said it is building the road according to master plans put in place by both Sandy and Draper.

(TOOELE)—A volunteer firefighter charged with automobile homicide in a head-on crash that killed two people made his first appearance in court Tuesday. 30-year old Adam Smart is charged with second degree felony automobile homicide in the deaths of 54-year old Michael Haydon and 83-year old Alan Carlson. The crash, which took place January 22, occurred on Utah SR-112 near Tooele. The Utah Highway Patrol said at the time that a pickup crossed the center line and slammed head-on into a Chevrolet Corsica that Haydon was driving. The UHP initially claimed alcohol played a role in the incident while Tooele County prosecutors believe prescription drugs were a factor. During his initial appearance in Tooele 3rd District Court Tuesday, Smart said he could not afford a lawyer and was appointed as a public defender. As he was getting ready to leave, deputy Tooele County Attorney Gary Searle stood and asked the judge to reconsider terms of Smart’s release. Searle claimed to have information from May 18 that Smart was seen by two people who called 911 to report an erratic driver on Interstate 80 and the claims concerned prosecutors. Smart is due in court again July 21.

(SALT LAKE CITY)—Utah’s wildlife agency has bought more than 5700 acres in Duchesne County that is prime habitat for deer, elk and sage grouse. Mike Canning, the habitat section chief for the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources, said the deal that closed Monday is the agency’s largest land buy in at least a decade. The agency paid $850,000 for the land northeast of Fruitland and was paid for by money with land sold last year near Roosevelt and donations from the Mule Deer Foundation. State officials say the land will be good wintering ground for elk and deer. They hope it will mean fewer wild animals eating crops on neighboring farms. The land will also be open to hunters. The property is protected from development and will become part of the 42,000-acre Tabby Mountain Wildlife Management Area.

(MANILA)—Three women used survival skills to keep themselves from harm after their boats overturned on the Green River. Daggett County sheriff’s deputies said this occurred June 26 and a boat carrying three women from Vernal capsized, leaving them stranded on the south side of the Green River. While the women awaited rescue, deputies stated they built a fire, dried their clothes, and had food and water. Rescuers floated down the river to pick them up. The women were taken by ambulence to a local hospital for evaluation.

(FAIRVIEW) – A motorcyclist and his passenger were injured Monday morning on SR-31 east of Fairview after crashing their bike. A UHP report said that 68-year old, Freddie Draper of Mt. Pleasant, along with his rider, 54-year old, Debbie Draper, also of Mt. Pleasant, were traveling westbound at about 10:30am, four miles east of Fairview, when they lost control of their 1980 Yamaha XS-1100 motorcycle and flipped off. The report said that Freddie was not wearing a helmet and sustained head injuries. He was transported to the Sanpete Valley Hospital and then flown to the Utah Valley Medical Center in Provo. Debbie was also not wearing a helmet and was taken to the Sanpete Valley Hospital with minor injuries. There’s no report on the present condition of both riders.

(PAROWAN) – A Colorado man was killed Monday in a glider plane crash in Parowan. Iron County Sheriff’s Deputies reported that the pilot plunged 2,000 feet into a field a mile west of I-15 during a glider competition on Monday. Reports indicate the glider’s motor-powered propeller apparently wasn’t working after it released from a tow plane. Investigators from the National Transportation Safety Board were at the scene to determine the cause of the crash. The pilot’s name has not been released pending notification of kin.

(WASHINGTON D.C.) – The Bureau of Land Management has announced adjusting fees due to inflation for the location and maintenance of unpatented mining claims, mill sites and tunnel sites. BLM says the location fee will increase from $30 to $34 and the maintenance fee will rise from $125 to $140. Unpatented claims are registered where no federal land has been transferred to the individual or company staking the claim. BLM says the adjusted fees are due on or before Sept. 1, 2009 and claimants must pay the new location fee for any mining claim or site located after the effective date.